Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I didn't notice because vodka
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i think my cat just said my name.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
