You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
ttyl tear gas
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
