I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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