his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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