I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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