Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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