so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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