So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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