What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
