I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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