I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
