I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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