if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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