I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
