3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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