Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I can text with my tongue
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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