I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
