haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
