I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
