Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
