I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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