giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
