So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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