apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
