WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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