it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
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He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
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In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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