I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
