I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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