Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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