I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
