just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I love you. Go after that dick
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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