no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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