We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.