good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.