Texts From Last Night

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  (661): View more from California

  Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.

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  (661): Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times. http://tfl.nu/sk4n
  Replies (19) Good night (709) Bad night (3754)
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  (831): View more from California

  my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.

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  (831): my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens. http://tfl.nu/mq1e
  Replies (14) Good night (3025) Bad night (477)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.

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  (513): I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace. http://tfl.nu/1kl9
  Replies (27) Good night (641) Bad night (2317)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.

  (206): View more from Washington

  High?

  (425): View more from Washington

  hahahahaha turkey breast

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  (425): ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector. (206): High? (425): hahahahaha turkey breast http://tfl.nu/8hm7
  Replies (41) Good night (3607) Bad night (632)
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  (+44): View more from England

  Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

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  (+44): Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call. http://tfl.nu/fjfe
  Replies (35) Good night (4391) Bad night (519)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

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  (713): yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn. http://tfl.nu/bp9j
  Replies (38) Good night (4821) Bad night (2092)
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  (518): View more from New York

  i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again

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  (518): i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again http://tfl.nu/g38z
  Replies (21) Good night (5682) Bad night (1210)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.

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  (515): mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money. http://tfl.nu/cehx
  Replies (7) Good night (882) Bad night (3270)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.

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  (608): Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap. http://tfl.nu/9p7s
  Replies (8) Good night (3831) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"

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  (312): I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day" http://tfl.nu/qds9
  Replies (5) Good night (1398) Bad night (1300)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"

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  (778): I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie" http://tfl.nu/vq1n
  Replies (17) Good night (1967) Bad night (1379)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.

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  (218): found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging. http://tfl.nu/wawj
  Replies (4) Good night (394) Bad night (805)
• Favorite

  (646): View more from New York

  I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.

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  (646): I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar. http://tfl.nu/2k0c
  Replies (5) Good night (1035) Bad night (228)
• Favorite

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over

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  (717): if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over http://tfl.nu/5a4u
  Replies (3) Good night (1222) Bad night (261)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?

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  (+44): My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me? http://tfl.nu/odch
  Replies (1) Good night (443) Bad night (150)

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