Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
i black out too much to be "responsible"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
