You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
