Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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