your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
