Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
