dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
