david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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