remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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