You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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