So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
