are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
