I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize