I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
