He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
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My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
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THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize