U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
