I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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