saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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