..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
