any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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