I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
