Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
