YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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