the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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