it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
