Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
well, you know. whores of a feather.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
