I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
