Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
