My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
