That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
