she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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