I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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