i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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