we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
