you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
