am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
