Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
