sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
