It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize