Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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