I'm going to jail i love you
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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