Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
