i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
